Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
