allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
