so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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