you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
