I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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