Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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