It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
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I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday