dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!