he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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