I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
