i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha