never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.