How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
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I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE