I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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