I think I won the penis lottery.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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