Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize