Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
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A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.