Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.