saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Where is the hickey?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex