i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
