Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
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I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.