You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
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I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.