Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..

  (1-650): View more from California

  You've kissed worse.

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  (650): Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms.. (1-650): You've kissed worse. http://tfl.nu/wvey
  Replies (3) Good night (2299) Bad night (555)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.

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  (302): Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up. http://tfl.nu/hjt8
  Replies (27) Good night (5948) Bad night (1087)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"

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  (303): You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty" http://tfl.nu/y2bi
  Replies (21) Good night (1043) Bad night (5908)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.

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  (917): we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer. http://tfl.nu/2zy4
  Replies (60) Good night (10205) Bad night (1211)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.

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  (214): Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer. http://tfl.nu/r45y
  Replies (10) Good night (6187) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.

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  (530): We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers. http://tfl.nu/jnk6
  Replies (17) Good night (4268) Bad night (928)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.

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  (514): Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat. http://tfl.nu/flst
  Replies (2) Good night (989) Bad night (2241)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt

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  (402): Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt http://tfl.nu/efn4
  Replies (7) Good night (2170) Bad night (1149)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?

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  (813): I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2? http://tfl.nu/8h9n
  Replies (16) Good night (1712) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.

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  (979): I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system. http://tfl.nu/cus3
  Replies (14) Good night (1969) Bad night (1097)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night

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  (410): that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night http://tfl.nu/xnkt
  Replies (4) Good night (1340) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case

  (573): View more from Missouri

  WTF.

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  (719): That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case (573): WTF. http://tfl.nu/t6hg
  Replies (6) Good night (1425) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.

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  (617): pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle. http://tfl.nu/r2o0
  Replies (3) Good night (3055) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?

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  (306): My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck? http://tfl.nu/wbbs
  Replies (6) Good night (685) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.

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  (206): He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years. http://tfl.nu/o48r
  Replies (6) Good night (329) Bad night (992)

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