the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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