trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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