I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
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I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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