The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
