Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
