I heard we made out
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
