I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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