Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
