btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The ass gains better be worth it
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