I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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