He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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