it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
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He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.