Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.