just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...