Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out