And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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