if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
