I just saw a hot homeless man
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
