What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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