Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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