its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
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it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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