using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
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the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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