just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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