By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
