So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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