Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
