I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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