hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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