Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember