drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."