I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice