I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
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Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem