the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him