i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME