Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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