wrigley field is MILF paradise
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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