turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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