I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
