I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
