operation have a gay friend backfired
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
