I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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